Coming Home - taken from my journal
Our last day in hospital was much quieter, only TM, Miss E and I
TM slept a lot and Miss E slept on me a lot. We left the hospital about 4:30pm
We collected the boys from TM's house where my sister-in-law had been looking after them and drove to our home.
As I was driving TM and Miss E home from the hospital we were talking - TM was talking about actions and consequences...
I asked her "You're not giving Miss E away to punish yourself, are you?"
And she replied "I've thought about that, and no I'm not"
We arrived home and so did our family!
My sister & sister-in-law, and my husbands cousin.
Gift were brought for Miss E, TM and me. I loved that TM was celebrated too - that TM and the boys were being welcomed into the family - beautiful!
Dinner and champagne arrived with family - such a blessing
Miss E's first night at home; TM and her boys stayed too, Miss E slept in her bassinet in our room and when she woke for a feed I got up and took her to TM to breast-feed, changed her and then took her back to our room.
The following day, while Miss E was sleeping, I sat in her room reading. TM came in and sat on the floor. She didn't say anything for a few minutes, then looked up at me and said "Would you be offended if I said I don't want to breast feed any more?"
I replied "Of course not!"
TM went on "It's just that breast feeding is punishing myself." My heart ached to hear those words! It ached for TM.
So when Miss E woke at lunch we gave her, her first bottle, she took it beautifully.
After she'd been fed, I sat on the couch with TM and asked her "In a perfect world, what could we do to help you keep Miss E?"
My heart was pounding waiting for her reply, she said "It's not a perfect world, there's nothing you can do."
I was almost in tears "I'm sorry, I had to ask or I couldn't accept Miss E" stumbling over my words, not even the right words to explain what I meant.
And I could not have, had she answered any other way, because I know she loves Miss E, and that is why she choose to let us raise and love her. TM is a good mum and a strong woman.
I read about adoption; in one of the Asian countries, the primary reason for adopting a child out was being a single mum, the culture did not accept or support unwed mothers. This made me want to sponsor the mum's to be able to keep their children, not adopt one!
What I felt was if we could help TM to keep Miss E then we needed to use everything within our resources to do whatever needed to be done, otherwise we were accepting a gift that was not ours. Even those words don't accurately describe my hearts cry...
...after one night at our home TM and the boys were ready to go home, Miss E was released into our care, what an amazing adventure we were embarking on, so much beauty, so many magic moments and a beautiful extended, adopted family to share it all with, who never tire of hearing us brag on Miss E, who delight in every new development as much as we do! What a gift! Truly!
And Miss E, what a blessed child to have 2 mum's loving her, a besotted dad and 3 doting big brothers!
TM and the brothers maintain regular contact (weekly - fortnightly) that's more than our blood family do! A lot more! So, I feel I am also blessed with a sister, friend and co-love-giver for Miss E and Master J (his story yet to be shared!)
Thursday, 5 December 2013
Background - Part 2
A few journal entries from just before Miss E was born:
While TM and the boys were over on Friday night, Miss E started doing tumble turns, we watched TM's tummy and felt Miss E moving
Today TM gave me a baby book for Miss E, to record details of her first year
Still waiting for Miss E to arrive! TM and I went swimming today, then a walk and then acupuncture, then TM took caster oil and rubbed on essential oils - all of this resulted in 1 bowel movement and 1 braxton hick, but no labor...
A sms from TM:
"I just wanted to say how much I respect and like you as a person. I'd also like to acknowledge, and let you know how much I appreciate the time both of you have made for the boys and I. Obviously Miss E is the main factor in bringing us close and when she is born the contact we have won't be as often as it is at the moment, you both will need time and space to establish your bond with Miss E and with each other as parents. During this time I don't want you to feel guilty or worry about the change in dynamics of our relationship, you have brought us into your family and made us feel so accepted and welcome to the extent we feel we have always been and always will be a part of it!! xxx"
and a few days later, sms from TM:
"Good morning! You know what they say 'no rest for the wicked!!' I woke up at 3am with itchy arms and restless, more braxtons, and my waters broke (I think! checked on the web to make sure I didn't just pee myself!!) still having braxtons and need the loo every 10mins so no market for me, thanks anyway gorgeous. xxx"
Miss E's story
I'd been at TM's house since about 7pm, she'd had contractions most of the afternoon.
I took over KFC for the boys and we settled into counting minutes between contractions.
9.05pm more waters.
A phone call to my mother-in-law (nurse and midwife) about 10:30pm, who said, "...take some Panadol and try to sleep. If it's real labor you won't be able to sleep..." and into pj's.
By 11:15pm I called the hospital and said we were coming in, contractions were 5-6mins apart, poor TM had to travel in the car on her side with the seat back as she couldn't bear the pressure sitting normally.
When we arrived at the hospital we had to enter through emergency
We walked to the window and gave TM's details, they said someone would be down shortly to take us to the maternity ward... 2 minutes later TM was saying she could feel the head!
So I walked to the window "She says she can feel the head!" "They'll be down shortly" was the reply
I turned and went straight to the next window "She says she can feel the head, she can't give birth in emergency!" The second nurse came out to see TM and then a very laid back attendant arrived in no great hurry to take us up. He offered a wheel chair but TM could not sit, so I helped her walk.
We got to the delivery suite and TM lay on the bed, within 20 minutes I could see the head coming out and said to TM "The head is almost out, you're almost done" and before the sentence was out Miss E had been born!
A new person enters the world! What an amazing thing to witness!
Miss E arrived safely in July 2010 at 12:20am. A gift from God. 3kg's (6.6pounds), 51cm long.
The midwife handed Miss E to TM and TM said to me "You take her"
I replied "No, you hold her, it's OK"
We both looked at the beautiful little girl, "She's beautiful" said TM, "yes she is" I smiled.
After a few minutes TM said "OK, you take her now" so I did, holding the most amazingly small, beautiful, new person. I cuddled her and talked to her.
My husband arrived within 5 mins of the delivery - 3 people marvelled, together at the beauty of Miss E. There was no awkward moment, only love and wonder.
Miss E was sucking on her hand so I said to TM "She's got a good suck, why don't you see if she'll feed?"
So Miss E was handed back for a feed - TM gave a yelp as Miss E latched on, a ferocious feeder, she knew what she was doing - we laughed together - the joy of every new moment, each new discovery, checking fingers and toes, discovering her tongue tie, feeling her tiny fingers wrap around each of ours, taking pictures and sending them to a few select friends and our families.
My husband had to work so he went home to sleep.
I settled TM and Miss E on the maternity ward and went home to sleep too - Getting to sleep around 5am with my thoughts whirling, was difficult. I was awake again at 7:30am, tried to sleep a little longer but gave up at 8:30am and got ready to go back to the hospital, I collected my sister-in-law on the way.
We had a lovely day together - everyone was happy - my husband arrived after work and my sister-in-law collected TM's boys from school and we all surrounded Miss E with masses of love.
That evening someone asked if Miss E had been bathed yet, TM replied "I've been waiting all day for her mum to do it!"
Oh! OK! I got ready to give Miss E her first bath, TM stayed in her room visiting with her best friend and my husband, sister-in-law and the boys came to watch.
First I bathed her head - yes she liked that, but she was not impressed with having her clothes off or getting wet. Her brothers watched on as protectors, making sure it was done right, making sure she was OK, laughing at her faces and commenting on how small she was.
Then it was time for everyone to go home and for TM and Miss E to settle in for their last night in hospital. Miss E was feeding beautifully with TM.
...more to come
While TM and the boys were over on Friday night, Miss E started doing tumble turns, we watched TM's tummy and felt Miss E moving
Today TM gave me a baby book for Miss E, to record details of her first year
Still waiting for Miss E to arrive! TM and I went swimming today, then a walk and then acupuncture, then TM took caster oil and rubbed on essential oils - all of this resulted in 1 bowel movement and 1 braxton hick, but no labor...
A sms from TM:
"I just wanted to say how much I respect and like you as a person. I'd also like to acknowledge, and let you know how much I appreciate the time both of you have made for the boys and I. Obviously Miss E is the main factor in bringing us close and when she is born the contact we have won't be as often as it is at the moment, you both will need time and space to establish your bond with Miss E and with each other as parents. During this time I don't want you to feel guilty or worry about the change in dynamics of our relationship, you have brought us into your family and made us feel so accepted and welcome to the extent we feel we have always been and always will be a part of it!! xxx"
and a few days later, sms from TM:
"Good morning! You know what they say 'no rest for the wicked!!' I woke up at 3am with itchy arms and restless, more braxtons, and my waters broke (I think! checked on the web to make sure I didn't just pee myself!!) still having braxtons and need the loo every 10mins so no market for me, thanks anyway gorgeous. xxx"
Miss E's story
I'd been at TM's house since about 7pm, she'd had contractions most of the afternoon.
I took over KFC for the boys and we settled into counting minutes between contractions.
9.05pm more waters.
A phone call to my mother-in-law (nurse and midwife) about 10:30pm, who said, "...take some Panadol and try to sleep. If it's real labor you won't be able to sleep..." and into pj's.
By 11:15pm I called the hospital and said we were coming in, contractions were 5-6mins apart, poor TM had to travel in the car on her side with the seat back as she couldn't bear the pressure sitting normally.
When we arrived at the hospital we had to enter through emergency
We walked to the window and gave TM's details, they said someone would be down shortly to take us to the maternity ward... 2 minutes later TM was saying she could feel the head!
So I walked to the window "She says she can feel the head!" "They'll be down shortly" was the reply
I turned and went straight to the next window "She says she can feel the head, she can't give birth in emergency!" The second nurse came out to see TM and then a very laid back attendant arrived in no great hurry to take us up. He offered a wheel chair but TM could not sit, so I helped her walk.
We got to the delivery suite and TM lay on the bed, within 20 minutes I could see the head coming out and said to TM "The head is almost out, you're almost done" and before the sentence was out Miss E had been born!
A new person enters the world! What an amazing thing to witness!
Miss E arrived safely in July 2010 at 12:20am. A gift from God. 3kg's (6.6pounds), 51cm long.
The midwife handed Miss E to TM and TM said to me "You take her"
I replied "No, you hold her, it's OK"
We both looked at the beautiful little girl, "She's beautiful" said TM, "yes she is" I smiled.
After a few minutes TM said "OK, you take her now" so I did, holding the most amazingly small, beautiful, new person. I cuddled her and talked to her.
My husband arrived within 5 mins of the delivery - 3 people marvelled, together at the beauty of Miss E. There was no awkward moment, only love and wonder.
Miss E was sucking on her hand so I said to TM "She's got a good suck, why don't you see if she'll feed?"
So Miss E was handed back for a feed - TM gave a yelp as Miss E latched on, a ferocious feeder, she knew what she was doing - we laughed together - the joy of every new moment, each new discovery, checking fingers and toes, discovering her tongue tie, feeling her tiny fingers wrap around each of ours, taking pictures and sending them to a few select friends and our families.
My husband had to work so he went home to sleep.
I settled TM and Miss E on the maternity ward and went home to sleep too - Getting to sleep around 5am with my thoughts whirling, was difficult. I was awake again at 7:30am, tried to sleep a little longer but gave up at 8:30am and got ready to go back to the hospital, I collected my sister-in-law on the way.
We had a lovely day together - everyone was happy - my husband arrived after work and my sister-in-law collected TM's boys from school and we all surrounded Miss E with masses of love.
That evening someone asked if Miss E had been bathed yet, TM replied "I've been waiting all day for her mum to do it!"
Oh! OK! I got ready to give Miss E her first bath, TM stayed in her room visiting with her best friend and my husband, sister-in-law and the boys came to watch.
First I bathed her head - yes she liked that, but she was not impressed with having her clothes off or getting wet. Her brothers watched on as protectors, making sure it was done right, making sure she was OK, laughing at her faces and commenting on how small she was.
Then it was time for everyone to go home and for TM and Miss E to settle in for their last night in hospital. Miss E was feeding beautifully with TM.
...more to come
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