Friday 14 November 2014
Tuesday 4 March 2014
Thursday 5 December 2013
Background - Part 3
Coming Home - taken from my journal
Our last day in hospital was much quieter, only TM, Miss E and I
TM slept a lot and Miss E slept on me a lot. We left the hospital about 4:30pm
We collected the boys from TM's house where my sister-in-law had been looking after them and drove to our home.
As I was driving TM and Miss E home from the hospital we were talking - TM was talking about actions and consequences...
I asked her "You're not giving Miss E away to punish yourself, are you?"
And she replied "I've thought about that, and no I'm not"
We arrived home and so did our family!
My sister & sister-in-law, and my husbands cousin.
Gift were brought for Miss E, TM and me. I loved that TM was celebrated too - that TM and the boys were being welcomed into the family - beautiful!
Dinner and champagne arrived with family - such a blessing
Miss E's first night at home; TM and her boys stayed too, Miss E slept in her bassinet in our room and when she woke for a feed I got up and took her to TM to breast-feed, changed her and then took her back to our room.
The following day, while Miss E was sleeping, I sat in her room reading. TM came in and sat on the floor. She didn't say anything for a few minutes, then looked up at me and said "Would you be offended if I said I don't want to breast feed any more?"
I replied "Of course not!"
TM went on "It's just that breast feeding is punishing myself." My heart ached to hear those words! It ached for TM.
So when Miss E woke at lunch we gave her, her first bottle, she took it beautifully.
After she'd been fed, I sat on the couch with TM and asked her "In a perfect world, what could we do to help you keep Miss E?"
My heart was pounding waiting for her reply, she said "It's not a perfect world, there's nothing you can do."
I was almost in tears "I'm sorry, I had to ask or I couldn't accept Miss E" stumbling over my words, not even the right words to explain what I meant.
And I could not have, had she answered any other way, because I know she loves Miss E, and that is why she choose to let us raise and love her. TM is a good mum and a strong woman.
I read about adoption; in one of the Asian countries, the primary reason for adopting a child out was being a single mum, the culture did not accept or support unwed mothers. This made me want to sponsor the mum's to be able to keep their children, not adopt one!
What I felt was if we could help TM to keep Miss E then we needed to use everything within our resources to do whatever needed to be done, otherwise we were accepting a gift that was not ours. Even those words don't accurately describe my hearts cry...
...after one night at our home TM and the boys were ready to go home, Miss E was released into our care, what an amazing adventure we were embarking on, so much beauty, so many magic moments and a beautiful extended, adopted family to share it all with, who never tire of hearing us brag on Miss E, who delight in every new development as much as we do! What a gift! Truly!
And Miss E, what a blessed child to have 2 mum's loving her, a besotted dad and 3 doting big brothers!
TM and the brothers maintain regular contact (weekly - fortnightly) that's more than our blood family do! A lot more! So, I feel I am also blessed with a sister, friend and co-love-giver for Miss E and Master J (his story yet to be shared!)
Our last day in hospital was much quieter, only TM, Miss E and I
TM slept a lot and Miss E slept on me a lot. We left the hospital about 4:30pm
We collected the boys from TM's house where my sister-in-law had been looking after them and drove to our home.
As I was driving TM and Miss E home from the hospital we were talking - TM was talking about actions and consequences...
I asked her "You're not giving Miss E away to punish yourself, are you?"
And she replied "I've thought about that, and no I'm not"
We arrived home and so did our family!
My sister & sister-in-law, and my husbands cousin.
Gift were brought for Miss E, TM and me. I loved that TM was celebrated too - that TM and the boys were being welcomed into the family - beautiful!
Dinner and champagne arrived with family - such a blessing
Miss E's first night at home; TM and her boys stayed too, Miss E slept in her bassinet in our room and when she woke for a feed I got up and took her to TM to breast-feed, changed her and then took her back to our room.
The following day, while Miss E was sleeping, I sat in her room reading. TM came in and sat on the floor. She didn't say anything for a few minutes, then looked up at me and said "Would you be offended if I said I don't want to breast feed any more?"
I replied "Of course not!"
TM went on "It's just that breast feeding is punishing myself." My heart ached to hear those words! It ached for TM.
So when Miss E woke at lunch we gave her, her first bottle, she took it beautifully.
After she'd been fed, I sat on the couch with TM and asked her "In a perfect world, what could we do to help you keep Miss E?"
My heart was pounding waiting for her reply, she said "It's not a perfect world, there's nothing you can do."
I was almost in tears "I'm sorry, I had to ask or I couldn't accept Miss E" stumbling over my words, not even the right words to explain what I meant.
And I could not have, had she answered any other way, because I know she loves Miss E, and that is why she choose to let us raise and love her. TM is a good mum and a strong woman.
I read about adoption; in one of the Asian countries, the primary reason for adopting a child out was being a single mum, the culture did not accept or support unwed mothers. This made me want to sponsor the mum's to be able to keep their children, not adopt one!
What I felt was if we could help TM to keep Miss E then we needed to use everything within our resources to do whatever needed to be done, otherwise we were accepting a gift that was not ours. Even those words don't accurately describe my hearts cry...
...after one night at our home TM and the boys were ready to go home, Miss E was released into our care, what an amazing adventure we were embarking on, so much beauty, so many magic moments and a beautiful extended, adopted family to share it all with, who never tire of hearing us brag on Miss E, who delight in every new development as much as we do! What a gift! Truly!
And Miss E, what a blessed child to have 2 mum's loving her, a besotted dad and 3 doting big brothers!
TM and the brothers maintain regular contact (weekly - fortnightly) that's more than our blood family do! A lot more! So, I feel I am also blessed with a sister, friend and co-love-giver for Miss E and Master J (his story yet to be shared!)
Background - Part 2
A few journal entries from just before Miss E was born:
While TM and the boys were over on Friday night, Miss E started doing tumble turns, we watched TM's tummy and felt Miss E moving
Today TM gave me a baby book for Miss E, to record details of her first year
Still waiting for Miss E to arrive! TM and I went swimming today, then a walk and then acupuncture, then TM took caster oil and rubbed on essential oils - all of this resulted in 1 bowel movement and 1 braxton hick, but no labor...
A sms from TM:
"I just wanted to say how much I respect and like you as a person. I'd also like to acknowledge, and let you know how much I appreciate the time both of you have made for the boys and I. Obviously Miss E is the main factor in bringing us close and when she is born the contact we have won't be as often as it is at the moment, you both will need time and space to establish your bond with Miss E and with each other as parents. During this time I don't want you to feel guilty or worry about the change in dynamics of our relationship, you have brought us into your family and made us feel so accepted and welcome to the extent we feel we have always been and always will be a part of it!! xxx"
and a few days later, sms from TM:
"Good morning! You know what they say 'no rest for the wicked!!' I woke up at 3am with itchy arms and restless, more braxtons, and my waters broke (I think! checked on the web to make sure I didn't just pee myself!!) still having braxtons and need the loo every 10mins so no market for me, thanks anyway gorgeous. xxx"
Miss E's story
I'd been at TM's house since about 7pm, she'd had contractions most of the afternoon.
I took over KFC for the boys and we settled into counting minutes between contractions.
9.05pm more waters.
A phone call to my mother-in-law (nurse and midwife) about 10:30pm, who said, "...take some Panadol and try to sleep. If it's real labor you won't be able to sleep..." and into pj's.
By 11:15pm I called the hospital and said we were coming in, contractions were 5-6mins apart, poor TM had to travel in the car on her side with the seat back as she couldn't bear the pressure sitting normally.
When we arrived at the hospital we had to enter through emergency
We walked to the window and gave TM's details, they said someone would be down shortly to take us to the maternity ward... 2 minutes later TM was saying she could feel the head!
So I walked to the window "She says she can feel the head!" "They'll be down shortly" was the reply
I turned and went straight to the next window "She says she can feel the head, she can't give birth in emergency!" The second nurse came out to see TM and then a very laid back attendant arrived in no great hurry to take us up. He offered a wheel chair but TM could not sit, so I helped her walk.
We got to the delivery suite and TM lay on the bed, within 20 minutes I could see the head coming out and said to TM "The head is almost out, you're almost done" and before the sentence was out Miss E had been born!
A new person enters the world! What an amazing thing to witness!
Miss E arrived safely in July 2010 at 12:20am. A gift from God. 3kg's (6.6pounds), 51cm long.
The midwife handed Miss E to TM and TM said to me "You take her"
I replied "No, you hold her, it's OK"
We both looked at the beautiful little girl, "She's beautiful" said TM, "yes she is" I smiled.
After a few minutes TM said "OK, you take her now" so I did, holding the most amazingly small, beautiful, new person. I cuddled her and talked to her.
My husband arrived within 5 mins of the delivery - 3 people marvelled, together at the beauty of Miss E. There was no awkward moment, only love and wonder.
Miss E was sucking on her hand so I said to TM "She's got a good suck, why don't you see if she'll feed?"
So Miss E was handed back for a feed - TM gave a yelp as Miss E latched on, a ferocious feeder, she knew what she was doing - we laughed together - the joy of every new moment, each new discovery, checking fingers and toes, discovering her tongue tie, feeling her tiny fingers wrap around each of ours, taking pictures and sending them to a few select friends and our families.
My husband had to work so he went home to sleep.
I settled TM and Miss E on the maternity ward and went home to sleep too - Getting to sleep around 5am with my thoughts whirling, was difficult. I was awake again at 7:30am, tried to sleep a little longer but gave up at 8:30am and got ready to go back to the hospital, I collected my sister-in-law on the way.
We had a lovely day together - everyone was happy - my husband arrived after work and my sister-in-law collected TM's boys from school and we all surrounded Miss E with masses of love.
That evening someone asked if Miss E had been bathed yet, TM replied "I've been waiting all day for her mum to do it!"
Oh! OK! I got ready to give Miss E her first bath, TM stayed in her room visiting with her best friend and my husband, sister-in-law and the boys came to watch.
First I bathed her head - yes she liked that, but she was not impressed with having her clothes off or getting wet. Her brothers watched on as protectors, making sure it was done right, making sure she was OK, laughing at her faces and commenting on how small she was.
Then it was time for everyone to go home and for TM and Miss E to settle in for their last night in hospital. Miss E was feeding beautifully with TM.
...more to come
While TM and the boys were over on Friday night, Miss E started doing tumble turns, we watched TM's tummy and felt Miss E moving
Today TM gave me a baby book for Miss E, to record details of her first year
Still waiting for Miss E to arrive! TM and I went swimming today, then a walk and then acupuncture, then TM took caster oil and rubbed on essential oils - all of this resulted in 1 bowel movement and 1 braxton hick, but no labor...
A sms from TM:
"I just wanted to say how much I respect and like you as a person. I'd also like to acknowledge, and let you know how much I appreciate the time both of you have made for the boys and I. Obviously Miss E is the main factor in bringing us close and when she is born the contact we have won't be as often as it is at the moment, you both will need time and space to establish your bond with Miss E and with each other as parents. During this time I don't want you to feel guilty or worry about the change in dynamics of our relationship, you have brought us into your family and made us feel so accepted and welcome to the extent we feel we have always been and always will be a part of it!! xxx"
and a few days later, sms from TM:
"Good morning! You know what they say 'no rest for the wicked!!' I woke up at 3am with itchy arms and restless, more braxtons, and my waters broke (I think! checked on the web to make sure I didn't just pee myself!!) still having braxtons and need the loo every 10mins so no market for me, thanks anyway gorgeous. xxx"
Miss E's story
I'd been at TM's house since about 7pm, she'd had contractions most of the afternoon.
I took over KFC for the boys and we settled into counting minutes between contractions.
9.05pm more waters.
A phone call to my mother-in-law (nurse and midwife) about 10:30pm, who said, "...take some Panadol and try to sleep. If it's real labor you won't be able to sleep..." and into pj's.
By 11:15pm I called the hospital and said we were coming in, contractions were 5-6mins apart, poor TM had to travel in the car on her side with the seat back as she couldn't bear the pressure sitting normally.
When we arrived at the hospital we had to enter through emergency
We walked to the window and gave TM's details, they said someone would be down shortly to take us to the maternity ward... 2 minutes later TM was saying she could feel the head!
So I walked to the window "She says she can feel the head!" "They'll be down shortly" was the reply
I turned and went straight to the next window "She says she can feel the head, she can't give birth in emergency!" The second nurse came out to see TM and then a very laid back attendant arrived in no great hurry to take us up. He offered a wheel chair but TM could not sit, so I helped her walk.
We got to the delivery suite and TM lay on the bed, within 20 minutes I could see the head coming out and said to TM "The head is almost out, you're almost done" and before the sentence was out Miss E had been born!
A new person enters the world! What an amazing thing to witness!
Miss E arrived safely in July 2010 at 12:20am. A gift from God. 3kg's (6.6pounds), 51cm long.
The midwife handed Miss E to TM and TM said to me "You take her"
I replied "No, you hold her, it's OK"
We both looked at the beautiful little girl, "She's beautiful" said TM, "yes she is" I smiled.
After a few minutes TM said "OK, you take her now" so I did, holding the most amazingly small, beautiful, new person. I cuddled her and talked to her.
My husband arrived within 5 mins of the delivery - 3 people marvelled, together at the beauty of Miss E. There was no awkward moment, only love and wonder.
Miss E was sucking on her hand so I said to TM "She's got a good suck, why don't you see if she'll feed?"
So Miss E was handed back for a feed - TM gave a yelp as Miss E latched on, a ferocious feeder, she knew what she was doing - we laughed together - the joy of every new moment, each new discovery, checking fingers and toes, discovering her tongue tie, feeling her tiny fingers wrap around each of ours, taking pictures and sending them to a few select friends and our families.
My husband had to work so he went home to sleep.
I settled TM and Miss E on the maternity ward and went home to sleep too - Getting to sleep around 5am with my thoughts whirling, was difficult. I was awake again at 7:30am, tried to sleep a little longer but gave up at 8:30am and got ready to go back to the hospital, I collected my sister-in-law on the way.
We had a lovely day together - everyone was happy - my husband arrived after work and my sister-in-law collected TM's boys from school and we all surrounded Miss E with masses of love.
That evening someone asked if Miss E had been bathed yet, TM replied "I've been waiting all day for her mum to do it!"
Oh! OK! I got ready to give Miss E her first bath, TM stayed in her room visiting with her best friend and my husband, sister-in-law and the boys came to watch.
First I bathed her head - yes she liked that, but she was not impressed with having her clothes off or getting wet. Her brothers watched on as protectors, making sure it was done right, making sure she was OK, laughing at her faces and commenting on how small she was.
Then it was time for everyone to go home and for TM and Miss E to settle in for their last night in hospital. Miss E was feeding beautifully with TM.
...more to come
Tuesday 8 October 2013
Background - Part 1
I grew up in a small town, one of 5 children, father teacher / pastor and mother stay at home / artist
I was the middle child.
I remember at about aged 9 I carried a family friends baby around for 2 days while they visited and was told I'd be a great mum.
I loved helping at kids holiday camps as a teenager and came in contact with lots of foster kids while I was there - their stories broke my heart and I found myself thinking I'd not have my own children, but instead love foster kids....
When my husband and I decided to marry (me 19 & him 21) we agreed that we would not have children.
Fast forward to my late 20's and the "have a baby" hormones were raging...
And my husband, bless him, after prayerful consideration agreed that we would start a family
Wow! what a turn around, for the man I loved to change his mind, it was huge!
I'd spent 10 years telling people we wouldn't have children and wouldn't change our minds, only to be told "You'll change..." and we did...
So July 2007 we started trying to have a baby... excited and scared!
The years rolled on and in January 2009 I stopped work, burnt out from a work, church commitments, family drama's and trying to get pregnant.
We were both tested - unexplained infertility was the diagnoses - nothing to fix - "try IVF" we were advised, but in my fragile state of mental health we felt the hormone treatments would just unbalance me more and what if it didn't work? I'm not sure I could have dealt with that...
So we waited... not patiently, I questioned God. "Why have we not been blessed with a child? Have I been so bad? What's going on?!?!"
In Jan 2010 we made a trip to Cambodia with our church, walked the slums, played with children, gave what help we could, though in all honesty I gained more from them than I could ever have given.
Perspective!
I left home thinking "Our front door is filthy and needs a paint" and as I walked in our front door coming home my thought was "wow, our front door is clean"
Nothing had changed except my perspective!
We had also come in contact with many orphaned children - there are so many children in this world that need someone to love them!
This started and investigation into adoption - a 3-5 year wait after submitting all the paperwork and before paperwork could be submitted we had to attend and information night; the next one was scheduled for 10 months away!!
I was so depressed - being a doer "I can fix it" kind of person, the 10 months seemed like a huge waste of time! What was I supposed to do between now and then? There was nothing I could do, but wait...
It was then (Jan 2010) that my thinking changed from "What's going on?" and "I need to fix it" to statements of faith!
"God is going to build my family, I don't know how He's going to do it, or what it will look like, but He is going to do it"
Surrender!
The first time I said this out loud at my kitchen sink it felt like a lie - though I knew it to be truth - I said it again, out loud, calling my feelings to come in line with what I knew/ know to be truth.
Doubt came "really?" it said
"Yes, He will! God is good, He is trustworthy, He is faithful, He has a good plan for my life!"
(Jer 29:11)
Over the next 2 months this statement of faith became my greatest strength, as friends and family announced pregnancies and my closest sister gave birth to her first daughter, and I was able to rejoice with them, instead of giving in to grief of not having my own.
Each time a thought of "why God?" or "what's going on?" came into my head, and I responded with my statement of faith, the why's became lesser, my feelings caught up and yes, I believed my faith statement, I had hope again! What a beautiful God?! As I declared who He is over my situation I was becoming whole again. He led me into the peaceful place of surrendering to His plans, better than I could hope for or imagine.
(Eph 3:20)
I had a realisation, or was it a word from God? Yes, I'm sure He stirred my heart in this direction.
There are just has many children in Australia that needed to be loved as in Cambodia, but in Australia those kids are in the foster care system.
I'd previously mentioned foster care to my husband but he was not at all keen... "I don't think I could give them back" he said to me.
But when I approached him with my realisation and asked that we at least go to an information night about fostering he said yes.
Within a week or two we were at an information night (late March 2010)
A step of faith!
While we were listening to the information about becoming foster parents I received a SMS from my sister-in-law (my husbands sister) "Are you serious about adoption?"
I replied "Yes"
We finished the meeting and got into our car... "so what do you think?" I asked.
"I think we should do it" my husband responded
There in the car park I cried and we prayed asking God to help us and to shut the door if this was not the path for us.
I then checked my mobile phone and there was another message from my sister-in-law "OK, I need to come and see you then"
I was pretty curious as my sister-in-law arrived at our house the next morning.
What did she need to see us about? Was she pregnant? She was single and working in the sex industry...
She sat down and said "Firstly, I'm not pregnant!" Ok, so that was off the table. What was going on?
"But my flatmate is, she told me yesterday that she is pregnant but is not going to keep the baby, she's going to adopt it out."
And??
"And I told her you were going to adopt and would she consider adopting her baby to you? She said yes."
What!!
"She has a son with an intellectual disability and she can't have a baby and look after her son."
It was a surreal!
To me it seemed like God had been waiting for us to be in a position to receive the amazing gift He had for us, because 8 hours after we agreed and prayed together about loving other peoples children here was God handing us a baby!
My first response was "You know that this girl will be a part of our lives forever? At birthdays and Christmases? She's not just going to have a baby and disappear! She will be family!"
I was so confused and excited I rang the foster care agency and asked if I could drop in to see them later that day - they said yes.
I've no idea what they thought as I told them our story (as I have written above) but I wanted to find out if there were in anyway doing something illegal? Or if we'd be jeopardising our chances of becoming foster parents if we pursued this opportunity to become parents and it didn't happen?!
I told them we were going to complete our foster care training regardless.
The beautiful women there were so wonderful, they are the ones who gave us the name "tummy mummy" they also explained about the term "informal kinship care" and what it means.
They gave us the assurance that we were not going to jeopardise anything but that they would available to give any advice they could.
Peace, transparency, hope.
We completed the foster care training. It was so valuable!
We didn't want to put any pressure on tummy mummy (TM) to give her child away so we prepared a baby room and decided that we'd be ready to foster if TM changed her mind - all good.
We had learnt in foster care training that it's important for kids in care to know their birth families, where they come from, so when they become teenager they don't have a need to search or "go off the rails" because they feel disconnected or don't know who they are.
We started having family dinners every week or so and taking her older kids to Youth group at church. We were getting to know the people who would become our family.
Tummy Mummy (TM) was about 4 1/2 months pregnant, we met her and her children, I invited her to the Easter service at church, and she came. When I dropped her home I asked "So is there anything you want to know about us?" "No, not really, if I have any questions I'll ask" TM said.
We swapped mobile numbers and chatted that way for a week or two.
Girl or boy?
TM went for a scan, she said "It won't be a girl, God wouldn't give me a girl." OK, no problem.
When she arrived with my sister-in-law after her scan she excitedly told me "Well, you're having a girl!" I replied with a smile "I thought you said, God wouldn't give you a girl?"
She smiled too "Well He's not giving me a girl, is He? He's giving you a girl!"
Wow! This was what most of our conversations were like for her whole pregnancy - me speaking as if she would be taking the baby home (and telling her she could change her mind and we'd still love her and be a part of her life) and TM talking like this baby was always destined to be ours (stating she would not change her mind).
I'm going to leave the story here for now.... there will be more...
I was the middle child.
I remember at about aged 9 I carried a family friends baby around for 2 days while they visited and was told I'd be a great mum.
I loved helping at kids holiday camps as a teenager and came in contact with lots of foster kids while I was there - their stories broke my heart and I found myself thinking I'd not have my own children, but instead love foster kids....
When my husband and I decided to marry (me 19 & him 21) we agreed that we would not have children.
Fast forward to my late 20's and the "have a baby" hormones were raging...
And my husband, bless him, after prayerful consideration agreed that we would start a family
Wow! what a turn around, for the man I loved to change his mind, it was huge!
I'd spent 10 years telling people we wouldn't have children and wouldn't change our minds, only to be told "You'll change..." and we did...
So July 2007 we started trying to have a baby... excited and scared!
The years rolled on and in January 2009 I stopped work, burnt out from a work, church commitments, family drama's and trying to get pregnant.
We were both tested - unexplained infertility was the diagnoses - nothing to fix - "try IVF" we were advised, but in my fragile state of mental health we felt the hormone treatments would just unbalance me more and what if it didn't work? I'm not sure I could have dealt with that...
So we waited... not patiently, I questioned God. "Why have we not been blessed with a child? Have I been so bad? What's going on?!?!"
In Jan 2010 we made a trip to Cambodia with our church, walked the slums, played with children, gave what help we could, though in all honesty I gained more from them than I could ever have given.
Perspective!
I left home thinking "Our front door is filthy and needs a paint" and as I walked in our front door coming home my thought was "wow, our front door is clean"
Nothing had changed except my perspective!
We had also come in contact with many orphaned children - there are so many children in this world that need someone to love them!
This started and investigation into adoption - a 3-5 year wait after submitting all the paperwork and before paperwork could be submitted we had to attend and information night; the next one was scheduled for 10 months away!!
I was so depressed - being a doer "I can fix it" kind of person, the 10 months seemed like a huge waste of time! What was I supposed to do between now and then? There was nothing I could do, but wait...
It was then (Jan 2010) that my thinking changed from "What's going on?" and "I need to fix it" to statements of faith!
"God is going to build my family, I don't know how He's going to do it, or what it will look like, but He is going to do it"
Surrender!
The first time I said this out loud at my kitchen sink it felt like a lie - though I knew it to be truth - I said it again, out loud, calling my feelings to come in line with what I knew/ know to be truth.
Doubt came "really?" it said
"Yes, He will! God is good, He is trustworthy, He is faithful, He has a good plan for my life!"
(Jer 29:11)
Over the next 2 months this statement of faith became my greatest strength, as friends and family announced pregnancies and my closest sister gave birth to her first daughter, and I was able to rejoice with them, instead of giving in to grief of not having my own.
Each time a thought of "why God?" or "what's going on?" came into my head, and I responded with my statement of faith, the why's became lesser, my feelings caught up and yes, I believed my faith statement, I had hope again! What a beautiful God?! As I declared who He is over my situation I was becoming whole again. He led me into the peaceful place of surrendering to His plans, better than I could hope for or imagine.
(Eph 3:20)
I had a realisation, or was it a word from God? Yes, I'm sure He stirred my heart in this direction.
There are just has many children in Australia that needed to be loved as in Cambodia, but in Australia those kids are in the foster care system.
I'd previously mentioned foster care to my husband but he was not at all keen... "I don't think I could give them back" he said to me.
But when I approached him with my realisation and asked that we at least go to an information night about fostering he said yes.
Within a week or two we were at an information night (late March 2010)
A step of faith!
While we were listening to the information about becoming foster parents I received a SMS from my sister-in-law (my husbands sister) "Are you serious about adoption?"
I replied "Yes"
We finished the meeting and got into our car... "so what do you think?" I asked.
"I think we should do it" my husband responded
There in the car park I cried and we prayed asking God to help us and to shut the door if this was not the path for us.
I then checked my mobile phone and there was another message from my sister-in-law "OK, I need to come and see you then"
I was pretty curious as my sister-in-law arrived at our house the next morning.
What did she need to see us about? Was she pregnant? She was single and working in the sex industry...
She sat down and said "Firstly, I'm not pregnant!" Ok, so that was off the table. What was going on?
"But my flatmate is, she told me yesterday that she is pregnant but is not going to keep the baby, she's going to adopt it out."
And??
"And I told her you were going to adopt and would she consider adopting her baby to you? She said yes."
What!!
"She has a son with an intellectual disability and she can't have a baby and look after her son."
It was a surreal!
To me it seemed like God had been waiting for us to be in a position to receive the amazing gift He had for us, because 8 hours after we agreed and prayed together about loving other peoples children here was God handing us a baby!
My first response was "You know that this girl will be a part of our lives forever? At birthdays and Christmases? She's not just going to have a baby and disappear! She will be family!"
I was so confused and excited I rang the foster care agency and asked if I could drop in to see them later that day - they said yes.
I've no idea what they thought as I told them our story (as I have written above) but I wanted to find out if there were in anyway doing something illegal? Or if we'd be jeopardising our chances of becoming foster parents if we pursued this opportunity to become parents and it didn't happen?!
I told them we were going to complete our foster care training regardless.
The beautiful women there were so wonderful, they are the ones who gave us the name "tummy mummy" they also explained about the term "informal kinship care" and what it means.
They gave us the assurance that we were not going to jeopardise anything but that they would available to give any advice they could.
Peace, transparency, hope.
We completed the foster care training. It was so valuable!
We didn't want to put any pressure on tummy mummy (TM) to give her child away so we prepared a baby room and decided that we'd be ready to foster if TM changed her mind - all good.
We had learnt in foster care training that it's important for kids in care to know their birth families, where they come from, so when they become teenager they don't have a need to search or "go off the rails" because they feel disconnected or don't know who they are.
We started having family dinners every week or so and taking her older kids to Youth group at church. We were getting to know the people who would become our family.
Tummy Mummy (TM) was about 4 1/2 months pregnant, we met her and her children, I invited her to the Easter service at church, and she came. When I dropped her home I asked "So is there anything you want to know about us?" "No, not really, if I have any questions I'll ask" TM said.
We swapped mobile numbers and chatted that way for a week or two.
Girl or boy?
TM went for a scan, she said "It won't be a girl, God wouldn't give me a girl." OK, no problem.
When she arrived with my sister-in-law after her scan she excitedly told me "Well, you're having a girl!" I replied with a smile "I thought you said, God wouldn't give you a girl?"
She smiled too "Well He's not giving me a girl, is He? He's giving you a girl!"
Wow! This was what most of our conversations were like for her whole pregnancy - me speaking as if she would be taking the baby home (and telling her she could change her mind and we'd still love her and be a part of her life) and TM talking like this baby was always destined to be ours (stating she would not change her mind).
I'm going to leave the story here for now.... there will be more...
Sunday 29 September 2013
What Foster Parents Wish Other People Knew
What Foster Parents Wish Other People Knew
I found this link as I was looking around for Kinship care stories... LOVE it :)
I found this link as I was looking around for Kinship care stories... LOVE it :)
Friday 27 September 2013
Sharing my journey to become a mum...
Not from my womb, but my heart...
I took this name from a poem I was sent when Miss E entered our lives over 3 years ago now
something like "...you grew not in my womb, but my heart..."
Perhaps it should read "a blessing from above" like the golden book we love to read together
Master J (18mths) has also joined us and we mightily blessed to be parents to them both
What a journey...
This blog is for a few reasons... to share the journey... it has been lonely at times as I don't know anyone else who's on the same path
...maybe to help someone else who's on a similar path? Or to connect with others who are on a path like mine?
how much to share? will readers understand? will those who are on the same path find this blog and be encouraged, feel less alone?
Kinship care seems to be the closest label for our family, though when I went to a support group recently to see if there were other stories like mine there were none.
Stories of nans and step nans taking in grandchildren because the parents were on drugs was most common, but that's not my story... struggles with family payments and family court, not my story either... children not seeing their birth parents and the effect it has on them, I'm happy to say that's not my story.
So what is my story? I'm still trying to find the right words to adequately tell it...
I took this name from a poem I was sent when Miss E entered our lives over 3 years ago now
something like "...you grew not in my womb, but my heart..."
Perhaps it should read "a blessing from above" like the golden book we love to read together
Master J (18mths) has also joined us and we mightily blessed to be parents to them both
What a journey...
This blog is for a few reasons... to share the journey... it has been lonely at times as I don't know anyone else who's on the same path
...maybe to help someone else who's on a similar path? Or to connect with others who are on a path like mine?
how much to share? will readers understand? will those who are on the same path find this blog and be encouraged, feel less alone?
Kinship care seems to be the closest label for our family, though when I went to a support group recently to see if there were other stories like mine there were none.
Stories of nans and step nans taking in grandchildren because the parents were on drugs was most common, but that's not my story... struggles with family payments and family court, not my story either... children not seeing their birth parents and the effect it has on them, I'm happy to say that's not my story.
So what is my story? I'm still trying to find the right words to adequately tell it...
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